A Gift

We have been waiting for almost 2 years already when an unexpected gift arrived. Just this morning, after a visit from our Ob-Gyne, it has been confirmed that we're having a baby!

No words can perfectly describe that very moment while I was inside the doctor's room to have my ultrasound - when the doctor exclaimed "jackpot", when we saw our gift's flickering heartbeat and when I saw my husband's facial expression as he lovingly look at our baby through the monitor.

There was nothing like it.

And I am really grateful to have been entrusted to experience this.

Our gift's first ever photo.

Love after Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

- Derek Walcott

Love after Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

- Derek Walcott

Four

Four names you go by:
1. Katrina
2. Kakat
3. (Ate) Kat
4. Beb

Four screen names you have had:
1. Postergirl (age old handle - back in highschool and college days)
2. KATwoman
3. akaDelilah
4. iamkatrina

Four physical things you like about yourself:
1. Eyes
2. My front and behind. (Haha!)
3. Nose
4. Cheek bones

Four things that scare you:
1. Snakes (I can die!)
2. Not being with my loved ones.
3. Getting lost
4. Not doing what I love most.

Four of your everyday essentials:
1. Mobile
2. My big bag - everything is here!
3. Notebook
4. Internet

Four of your favorite musical artists:
Like now?
1. Snow Patrol
2. Pink
3. Katty Perry
4. U2

Four of your favorite songs:
1. "Signal Fire" by Snow Patrol
2. "Us" by Regina Spektor
3. "Firework" by Katty Perry
4. "Raise your glass"  by Pink

Four things you want in a relationship:
Aside from l-o-v-e?
1. Honesty
2. Trust
3. Affection
4. Time

Four physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. Eyes
2. Fingernails (they have to be short and clean)
3. Shoes
4. Lips/Teeth

Four of your favorite hobbies:
1. Staying at home the whole day in my pjs.
2. Writing
3. Movies
4. Talking and sharing a good laugh with my husband.

Four things you want to do really badly now:
1. Videoke. (haha!)
2. Bubble bath.
3. I want this week to be over.
4. I wish hubby is home.

Four places you want to go on vacation:
1. New York
2. Maldives
3. Europe
4. French Polynesia

Four kid's names you like:
1. Elijah
2. Elianna
3. Katriel
4. Isobel

Four things you want to do before you die:
1. Have kids.
2. Cook a really decent meal.
3. Travel with hubby.
4. Bake non stop.

Four ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. My hair and fingernails are always short.
2. I collect Matchbox cars and don't play them.
3. I rode a skating board several times in my younger days.
4. Most of my super closest friends are boys, err men.

Four ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. Kikay err super girly.
2. Do things with flair.
3. I like to "talk shop".
4. I cry so easily. Super!

So there.

Four

Four names you go by:
1. Katrina
2. Kakat
3. (Ate) Kat
4. Beb

Four screen names you have had:
1. Postergirl (age old handle - back in highschool and college days)
2. KATwoman
3. akaDelilah
4. iamkatrina

Four physical things you like about yourself:
1. Eyes
2. My front and behind. (Haha!)
3. Nose
4. Cheek bones

Four things that scare you:
1. Snakes (I can die!)
2. Not being with my loved ones.
3. Getting lost
4. Not doing what I love most.

Four of your everyday essentials:
1. Mobile
2. My big bag - everything is here!
3. Notebook
4. Internet

Four of your favorite musical artists:
Like now?
1. Snow Patrol
2. Pink
3. Katty Perry
4. U2

Four of your favorite songs:
1. "Signal Fire" by Snow Patrol
2. "Us" by Regina Spektor
3. "Firework" by Katty Perry
4. "Raise your glass"  by Pink

Four things you want in a relationship:
Aside from l-o-v-e?
1. Honesty
2. Trust
3. Affection
4. Time

Four physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. Eyes
2. Fingernails (they have to be short and clean)
3. Shoes
4. Lips/Teeth

Four of your favorite hobbies:
1. Staying at home the whole day in my pjs.
2. Writing
3. Movies
4. Talking and sharing a good laugh with my husband.

Four things you want to do really badly now:
1. Videoke. (haha!)
2. Bubble bath.
3. I want this week to be over.
4. I wish hubby is home.

Four places you want to go on vacation:
1. New York
2. Maldives
3. Europe
4. French Polynesia

Four kid's names you like:
1. Elijah
2. Elianna
3. Katriel
4. Isobel

Four things you want to do before you die:
1. Have kids.
2. Cook a really decent meal.
3. Travel with hubby.
4. Bake non stop.

Four ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. My hair and fingernails are always short.
2. I collect Matchbox cars and don't play them.
3. I rode a skating board several times in my younger days.
4. Most of my super closest friends are boys, err men.

Four ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. Kikay err super girly.
2. Do things with flair.
3. I like to "talk shop".
4. I cry so easily. Super!

So there.

Gaya-gaya, putomaya

 

Painfully funny!

 

Photos c/o chuvaness

Gaya-gaya, putomaya

 

Painfully funny!

 

Photos c/o chuvaness

I remember...

I remember you staring at me
For awhile
When you nonchalantly
Asked me out for lunch.

I remember myself –
Quivered.
And how my heart beats fast,
I know not how to tame such beating.

I remember you calling me,
Late at night,
How you would sing me songs
Over the phone.

I remember myself –
Clinging so hard,
Not to get attached to someone
I did not initially want in my life.

I remember you bringing me,
To a place where I found
That I can take chances again –
When I can love like pain is not familiar to me.

I remember myself smiling
The moment you called me,
Your “Beb”.
When you became my “Hon”.

I remember us –
Fighting a good fight,
Your hands holding mine,
As if telling me, you will not let go.

I remember us –
When we argue like anything,
All those dramatic exchanges and scenes,
Who would’ve thought we could reach this far?

I remember us –
That after a horrible fight,
We managed to pick things up
And remained us – not me and you, but us.

I remember you –
In your cool and pleasant stance,
Telling me, like you always have –
That everything will be alright.

I remember myself –
Though hesitant,
Would still let go of that fear
And just simply trust.

I remember you –
Telling me that
I love you best.
That I am your female version.

I remember myself –
Praying and hoping,
That we always come out strong.
That this heart, will only trust you.

I remember you –
What with your very stubborn love
Made me see myself –
As someone who can be loved no matter how different she can be.

I remember myself –
Finally seeing me in my future.
Not alone but with a companion
She dearly loves – you.

I remember...

I remember you staring at me
For awhile
When you nonchalantly
Asked me out for lunch.

I remember myself –
Quivered.
And how my heart beats fast,
I know not how to tame such beating.

I remember you calling me,
Late at night,
How you would sing me songs
Over the phone.

I remember myself –
Clinging so hard,
Not to get attached to someone
I did not initially want in my life.

I remember you bringing me,
To a place where I found
That I can take chances again –
When I can love like pain is not familiar to me.

I remember myself smiling
The moment you called me,
Your “Beb”.
When you became my “Hon”.

I remember us –
Fighting a good fight,
Your hands holding mine,
As if telling me, you will not let go.

I remember us –
When we argue like anything,
All those dramatic exchanges and scenes,
Who would’ve thought we could reach this far?

I remember us –
That after a horrible fight,
We managed to pick things up
And remained us – not me and you, but us.

I remember you –
In your cool and pleasant stance,
Telling me, like you always have –
That everything will be alright.

I remember myself –
Though hesitant,
Would still let go of that fear
And just simply trust.

I remember you –
Telling me that
I love you best.
That I am your female version.

I remember myself –
Praying and hoping,
That we always come out strong.
That this heart, will only trust you.

I remember you –
What with your very stubborn love
Made me see myself –
As someone who can be loved no matter how different she can be.

I remember myself –
Finally seeing me in my future.
Not alone but with a companion
She dearly loves – you.

HNY!

HNY!

 

 

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're  reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Fairy Tales and Dragons

For Nicolai.

It is most unlikely to happen that she would ever be cheesy about the 14th of February. To her it is just one of those days but to most, it is considered special, no - very special. Flowers, gifts, lovely cards and the likes have never been more "so everywhere" during this day. It was one of those days in a year when people started to become extra mushy.

To her limited mind, this only happens in fairy tales, bedtime stories of some sort and then wake up being eaten by some monster dragon.

Fantasy.

She never really understood why most people would take an extra mile ONLY on this day to show that special someone how much the world meant to him/her but today is different. Slowly, she quite had a grasp of it.

Around 3 in the morning when sleep finally got hold of her, something happened. Her mobile phone was ringing like hell. She tried to just ignore the call but it was persistent, soon she heard herself mumbled "hello." An old friend was on the other line, he said he was sorry for calling up at this time and he was asking, no - almost pleading if she could come out and see him. He was outside the girl's house.

She went out to see him.

He just wanted to tell her what his plans are for the 14th. He is proposing to his girlfriend and he wanted his dear friend to be the first to know about this. She was stricken and quite immobilized - she wanted to scream at his face and remind him of the time and that she's supposed to be asleep but she just hugged him and gave her a pretty and sincere smile. She was very happy for him.

She listened intently as he tells her his plans - yes, all those cheesy stuff but it was really something. Her friend is about to sweep someone else's feet. The thought made her heart jump like crazy. When it was time for him to leave, he said something like - "I cannot imagine myself NOT being with her." And that was enough for her to cry again.

Nicolai is a prince and after awhile, he finally found his princess.

Walking back to her house, she caught herself smiling - yeah, a pretty good smile.

She realized that fairy tales happen and dragons can be defeated.

----

Written back in 2008.

Fairy Tales and Dragons

For Nicolai.

It is most unlikely to happen that she would ever be cheesy about the 14th of February. To her it is just one of those days but to most, it is considered special, no - very special. Flowers, gifts, lovely cards and the likes have never been more "so everywhere" during this day. It was one of those days in a year when people started to become extra mushy.

To her limited mind, this only happens in fairy tales, bedtime stories of some sort and then wake up being eaten by some monster dragon.

Fantasy.

She never really understood why most people would take an extra mile ONLY on this day to show that special someone how much the world meant to him/her but today is different. Slowly, she quite had a grasp of it.

Around 3 in the morning when sleep finally got hold of her, something happened. Her mobile phone was ringing like hell. She tried to just ignore the call but it was persistent, soon she heard herself mumbled "hello." An old friend was on the other line, he said he was sorry for calling up at this time and he was asking, no - almost pleading if she could come out and see him. He was outside the girl's house.

She went out to see him.

He just wanted to tell her what his plans are for the 14th. He is proposing to his girlfriend and he wanted his dear friend to be the first to know about this. She was stricken and quite immobilized - she wanted to scream at his face and remind him of the time and that she's supposed to be asleep but she just hugged him and gave her a pretty and sincere smile. She was very happy for him.

She listened intently as he tells her his plans - yes, all those cheesy stuff but it was really something. Her friend is about to sweep someone else's feet. The thought made her heart jump like crazy. When it was time for him to leave, he said something like - "I cannot imagine myself NOT being with her." And that was enough for her to cry again.

Nicolai is a prince and after awhile, he finally found his princess.

Walking back to her house, she caught herself smiling - yeah, a pretty good smile.

She realized that fairy tales happen and dragons can be defeated.

----

Written back in 2008.

Being a girl

While surfing the internet today, I read somewhere about the curse of being Eve and how it can sometimes be a challenge to be a girl. Not to be stupid now, I've decided to write something about that too - Eve's curse and her blessings.

Here goes:

Blessings (Tops)
1. Eve is allowed to cry.
2. She can show her emotions and nobody will think that she's gay.
3. She can talk about anything.
4. She is almost always organized compared to Adam.
5. She takes care of the littlest things (but important) that Adam usually ignores.
6. She can go strut her stuff in a mall the whole day and be fulfilled even if she didn't purchase anything.
7. Her shoes are almost always cheaper than those of men.
8. She can go out in a color coordinated outfit.
9. She does not have to worry so much about hair legs.
10. She strongly tries to avoid violence.
11. She has ability to bring out another life to see the world.

Curse (Tops)
1. She has to suffer and endure the uncomfortable and often painful experience each month of having our periods.
2. Unexplicable mood swings during that period and craving for something sweet, salty and sometimes, sour foods.
3. Birth pains.
4. She is often perceived as the delicate little soul.
5. She is almost always expected to be all dolled up.

And one writer puts it quite bluntly:

“To the woman God said, 'I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to your children. Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.'"
- Genesis 3:16

"Most women generally find their value in relationships than in their achievements. A woman feels most fulfilled when she’s beside her man, or while caring for her kids, or while nurturing any other human being, for that matter. And this is what’s hard about being an Eve: When she sometimes feels a longing for Adam and she doesn’t know where he is."

And yes, as hard as it is - I still love being a girl.

Being a girl

While surfing the internet today, I read somewhere about the curse of being Eve and how it can sometimes be a challenge to be a girl. Not to be stupid now, I've decided to write something about that too - Eve's curse and her blessings.

Here goes:

Blessings (Tops)
1. Eve is allowed to cry.
2. She can show her emotions and nobody will think that she's gay.
3. She can talk about anything.
4. She is almost always organized compared to Adam.
5. She takes care of the littlest things (but important) that Adam usually ignores.
6. She can go strut her stuff in a mall the whole day and be fulfilled even if she didn't purchase anything.
7. Her shoes are almost always cheaper than those of men.
8. She can go out in a color coordinated outfit.
9. She does not have to worry so much about hair legs.
10. She strongly tries to avoid violence.
11. She has ability to bring out another life to see the world.

Curse (Tops)
1. She has to suffer and endure the uncomfortable and often painful experience each month of having our periods.
2. Unexplicable mood swings during that period and craving for something sweet, salty and sometimes, sour foods.
3. Birth pains.
4. She is often perceived as the delicate little soul.
5. She is almost always expected to be all dolled up.

And one writer puts it quite bluntly:

“To the woman God said, 'I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to your children. Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.'"
- Genesis 3:16

"Most women generally find their value in relationships than in their achievements. A woman feels most fulfilled when she’s beside her man, or while caring for her kids, or while nurturing any other human being, for that matter. And this is what’s hard about being an Eve: When she sometimes feels a longing for Adam and she doesn’t know where he is."

And yes, as hard as it is - I still love being a girl.

WYMM?

From where I was,
my eyes half shut
he came up to me –
filling me with words.

In that instant,
I couldn’t take them all in.
My mind was half-way through lala-land,
other half is still a little awake.

After delivering all those lines –
he asked me to sit up,
my heart could not contain it,
I knew that something huge is about to happen.

He was on his knees,
and on his left hand
is a little blue box –
and in it is a promise ring.

My heart jumped –
for a moment,
I was speechless.
Tears started to well up my eyes.

His hands were cold
as he held my left my hand.
aiming for my ring finger –
He asked me.

“Will you marry me, Beb?”
I was afloat –
overwhelmed by
this euphoria.

He asked the same question again –
“Will you marry me, Beb?”
And again –
“Will you marry me, Beb?”

In an instant,
I was in the now.
I wrapped my arms around him
and then I give him my yes.

His face lit up
showing off his dimples
staring back at him -
my heart tells me, he is a happy man.

With a new promise ring
on my left ring finger -
I could not help but look forward to
seeing my Hon wait for me when I walk in my ivory dress.

 

----

Written a day after the proposal. :)

WYMM?

From where I was,
my eyes half shut
he came up to me –
filling me with words.

In that instant,
I couldn’t take them all in.
My mind was half-way through lala-land,
other half is still a little awake.

After delivering all those lines –
he asked me to sit up,
my heart could not contain it,
I knew that something huge is about to happen.

He was on his knees,
and on his left hand
is a little blue box –
and in it is a promise ring.

My heart jumped –
for a moment,
I was speechless.
Tears started to well up my eyes.

His hands were cold
as he held my left my hand.
aiming for my ring finger –
He asked me.

“Will you marry me, Beb?”
I was afloat –
overwhelmed by
this euphoria.

He asked the same question again –
“Will you marry me, Beb?”
And again –
“Will you marry me, Beb?”

In an instant,
I was in the now.
I wrapped my arms around him
and then I give him my yes.

His face lit up
showing off his dimples
staring back at him -
my heart tells me, he is a happy man.

With a new promise ring
on my left ring finger -
I could not help but look forward to
seeing my Hon wait for me when I walk in my ivory dress.

 

----

Written a day after the proposal. :)

Sudden Breeze

Its here -
I can feel it; I can see it in my rear.

Too strong to shoo it away;
It comes closer day by day.

It stares at me - throws me its warmth look;
Its mere presence poke me even in my nook.

My soul is not even ready for this - yet;
I am not buying this sudden turn; I fret!

People started to talk about this;
Some get cheery and think that this is bliss.

I look at one corner;
Thinking, if only I can handle this much better.

Yes, its getting so near;
Kids love it so dear.

You can see it in their faces;
They're excited and hop to different places.

Oh dear!
I am telling you, Christmas is here.

Sudden Breeze

Its here -
I can feel it; I can see it in my rear.

Too strong to shoo it away;
It comes closer day by day.

It stares at me - throws me its warmth look;
Its mere presence poke me even in my nook.

My soul is not even ready for this - yet;
I am not buying this sudden turn; I fret!

People started to talk about this;
Some get cheery and think that this is bliss.

I look at one corner;
Thinking, if only I can handle this much better.

Yes, its getting so near;
Kids love it so dear.

You can see it in their faces;
They're excited and hop to different places.

Oh dear!
I am telling you, Christmas is here.

For some reason, I had a terrible headache yesterday that I went home straight after work. I slept for a while and went to see Luis, my 8 years old friend who is also busy studying for their periodical exams. He is 8 but he is 5 years older when you talk to him. I am telling you, he is the smartest 8 years old I know. You can talk to him about Burma, why we are more blessed, why he wanted to finish school early and this list can go on until tomorrow. Serious.

When I got to their place, he hugged me. I was moved because that's the first time he did that and normally boys his would stop being so affectionate and showing emotions. He gladly showed me his several 90 grades in his assignments and quizzes. But its these outstanding grades that make me be proud of him, he has the kindest of hearts. You see, Luis grew up with almost nothing yet when he sees a beggar, he would ALWAYS give whatever he has left on his lunchbox. Hindi siya madamot with the things he possess.

I just love him to the max!

And the biggest surprise for the day was when he gave me a note he made daw during recess. This is really personal but I thought to share this and may we all be reminded that these kids will lead our country soon. I hope that the time will come and these kids will say that those who come before them are faithful and gave them a fighting chance.