Me.
Obsessive-Compulsive.
Sentimental "basurera".
Cry baby.
Burdened for kids.
Hole in sweater which falls off my shoulder.
Pale pink inside/out tank top with tags showing.
Very little traces of hair left on my head from the night I went postal with a pair of scissors.
Overwhelmingly thick eyeglasses falling off the edge of my nose.
Brown flip flops, too big for my feet.
Glossy lipstick.
A book in one hand -
Vintage purse falling from the other.
An "old friend" and I found something in common the other night -
He saw me - again.
He felt my pain.
He kissed my mascara-stained cheeks.
He was there for me.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Outbreathe
I sat in a little pink chair:
faced directly to a wall
breathing heavily...
Comparison of you to the air I exhale.
- within a matter of moments:
both fade away.
faced directly to a wall
breathing heavily...
Comparison of you to the air I exhale.
- within a matter of moments:
both fade away.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Bespectacled, I Am
Thanks to my Mom's genes - I have such a poor eyesight.
My eyes started to deteriorate when I was still in 2nd year high school but did not pay too much attention to it because for some reason I didn't want to look like Jessica Zefra or be compared to her whatsoever. I only started whining to my Mom about this was when I was watching Rico Blanco performed and his image appeared very, very blurry to me. Shame on me!
I thought I was cool and extra pretty in glasses because people started telling me I look great with this on but I was too young slash naive then and knew nothing much. The catch is as I grow older, my grades get higher and the glasses get thicker. It was saddening, I swear!
Now, I hate wearing glasses. If not for the irritation that my eyes get, I'd make contact lenses my best friend for life (aside from my pearls and hand me down jewels from grandma). But that's how the cookie crumbles. I just simply cannot have everything.
Yesterday, I had my eyes checked again. Like my period, 'tis too is a monthly thing (blame it on me being OC). And again, it was disappointing to find out that my grades went few notches north.
Sheesh.
I am now sporting a new pair of eyeglasses plus 350 and 375 for the grades - gosh, I am only 23!
My eyes started to deteriorate when I was still in 2nd year high school but did not pay too much attention to it because for some reason I didn't want to look like Jessica Zefra or be compared to her whatsoever. I only started whining to my Mom about this was when I was watching Rico Blanco performed and his image appeared very, very blurry to me. Shame on me!
I thought I was cool and extra pretty in glasses because people started telling me I look great with this on but I was too young slash naive then and knew nothing much. The catch is as I grow older, my grades get higher and the glasses get thicker. It was saddening, I swear!
Now, I hate wearing glasses. If not for the irritation that my eyes get, I'd make contact lenses my best friend for life (aside from my pearls and hand me down jewels from grandma). But that's how the cookie crumbles. I just simply cannot have everything.
Yesterday, I had my eyes checked again. Like my period, 'tis too is a monthly thing (blame it on me being OC). And again, it was disappointing to find out that my grades went few notches north.
Sheesh.
I am now sporting a new pair of eyeglasses plus 350 and 375 for the grades - gosh, I am only 23!
Friday, January 12, 2007
Other Self
Weary of this woo.
I know, this "very long engagement" makes your pneuma jaded.
Being just his beau and yearning to be more than what you bear.
So downcast; Woebegone.
Hush.
Ripened to be his spouse leaves your pneuma both defied and awed.
But alas!
Thanks to his illustrious love,
And that ring you wear on your left;
You are grounded.
I know, this "very long engagement" makes your pneuma jaded.
Being just his beau and yearning to be more than what you bear.
So downcast; Woebegone.
Hush.
Ripened to be his spouse leaves your pneuma both defied and awed.
But alas!
Thanks to his illustrious love,
And that ring you wear on your left;
You are grounded.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Dear Betrayal
You found me with my smooth dark brown eyes
and marveled at my lithesome thighs.
You then began to analyze
the protocol of my demise.
You filtered through my hair of black, now brown,
then left ot graying at the crown.
You dulled my vibrant, eager thoughts
and left my senses tied in knots.
You placed your wrath within my spine
and caused my stature to decline.
You took me from my supple skin
where dewy moisture once had been.
My sight is slowly growing dim
You devastate upon a whim.
The years I've left are very few
No longer crisp or firm or new.
But you can only scathe my flesh
Inside my spirit's young and fresh.
Of mortal things you have control
but you cannot decay my soul.
and marveled at my lithesome thighs.
You then began to analyze
the protocol of my demise.
You filtered through my hair of black, now brown,
then left ot graying at the crown.
You dulled my vibrant, eager thoughts
and left my senses tied in knots.
You placed your wrath within my spine
and caused my stature to decline.
You took me from my supple skin
where dewy moisture once had been.
My sight is slowly growing dim
You devastate upon a whim.
The years I've left are very few
No longer crisp or firm or new.
But you can only scathe my flesh
Inside my spirit's young and fresh.
Of mortal things you have control
but you cannot decay my soul.
Flunk Not!
We had this super long exam in school yesterday that I really had to burn midnight oil just to study stuff. I even had to bring my books and notes to work. Talk about juggling work and trying to understand the many theories behind OCD and the likes. But I guess, all the lack of sleep and rest really paid off.
I got a perfect score. 300 over 300.
One can see that the grin on my face. I am just happy and I guess proud to publish such happy thought.
To my dad, I will always be his pretty little girl, Kuting and pretty girls and scholars don't flunk their subjects.
I got a perfect score. 300 over 300.
One can see that the grin on my face. I am just happy and I guess proud to publish such happy thought.
To my dad, I will always be his pretty little girl, Kuting and pretty girls and scholars don't flunk their subjects.
Sunday, January 7, 2007
In Pursuit
I've been bustling here and there for the past week that updating my tabloid was such a tedious thing to do. I was so engaged to a lot of things but I loved it. I love being busy because I love what I do.
One of the things I've learned this early is that when you love what you do, you can do it for free or you yearn to rest because you need to recuperate and face the same thing over. I mean, life is too short for me not do the things that I am not called for. You know what I mean?
Believe it or not but when I was still a kid, I wanted to be an au pair girl. Yeah, I know it was so run of the mill and even unwonted but let me try, at least, to defend my used to be mediocre head. Well, when I was around 5 or 6, our yaya then was a TV queen that she would let us watch some crappy Tagalog flicks and you know how Tagalog flicks work. And I really dread those days that I would parody those freaking cheap lady thespian. That's the reason why I don't let my siblings watch tele novelas. I'm asking my parents' blessings to remove some Pinoy channels off our cable connection so that my siblings won't be "tempted" to watch shows like Bakekang or some freaking dramatic soap operas - and I am succeeding in 'banning" these channels. I want my siblings to be prepared for the future - and the future has nothing to do, at least for me, with Bakekang. Don't get me wrong, it may seem harsh but I think that we have to invest for the future. For the next generation.
To my 15 year old sister, Mina, I am a bugbear. Can you imagine that? I have become a bugbear to her for not letting them watch tele novelas and some Pinoy flicks. Don't get me wrong, I still love being a Filipina and proud for being one, it is just to my perspective and to what's happening in this country, my siblings have to be equipped as they/we face the many uncertainties. I know that I cannot control their lives, I cannot run their lives for them - but I will not let them face the battle without being well geared up. I love this country and I don't mind teaching in a government for school for kids and the salary was not that satisfying - but teaching kids is really something for me and I found myself so burdened for them, that no matter what, I will not let them face the battle without being well geared up.
Going back to Mina, I talked to her one afternoon and explained to her the many don'ts, why I want them to read books before they go to bed and why it is very important to be great and not live life in mediocrity. She cried and I cried too. Yep, it was an emotional talk but it sure was a fulfilling one. She said, she love me even more now and that she thanks God that they are blessed to have me as their Ate. I thought, I would not mind being their Ate or even my former students' Ate - I know what I am called for and I am in pursuit.
One of the things I've learned this early is that when you love what you do, you can do it for free or you yearn to rest because you need to recuperate and face the same thing over. I mean, life is too short for me not do the things that I am not called for. You know what I mean?
Believe it or not but when I was still a kid, I wanted to be an au pair girl. Yeah, I know it was so run of the mill and even unwonted but let me try, at least, to defend my used to be mediocre head. Well, when I was around 5 or 6, our yaya then was a TV queen that she would let us watch some crappy Tagalog flicks and you know how Tagalog flicks work. And I really dread those days that I would parody those freaking cheap lady thespian. That's the reason why I don't let my siblings watch tele novelas. I'm asking my parents' blessings to remove some Pinoy channels off our cable connection so that my siblings won't be "tempted" to watch shows like Bakekang or some freaking dramatic soap operas - and I am succeeding in 'banning" these channels. I want my siblings to be prepared for the future - and the future has nothing to do, at least for me, with Bakekang. Don't get me wrong, it may seem harsh but I think that we have to invest for the future. For the next generation.
To my 15 year old sister, Mina, I am a bugbear. Can you imagine that? I have become a bugbear to her for not letting them watch tele novelas and some Pinoy flicks. Don't get me wrong, I still love being a Filipina and proud for being one, it is just to my perspective and to what's happening in this country, my siblings have to be equipped as they/we face the many uncertainties. I know that I cannot control their lives, I cannot run their lives for them - but I will not let them face the battle without being well geared up. I love this country and I don't mind teaching in a government for school for kids and the salary was not that satisfying - but teaching kids is really something for me and I found myself so burdened for them, that no matter what, I will not let them face the battle without being well geared up.
Going back to Mina, I talked to her one afternoon and explained to her the many don'ts, why I want them to read books before they go to bed and why it is very important to be great and not live life in mediocrity. She cried and I cried too. Yep, it was an emotional talk but it sure was a fulfilling one. She said, she love me even more now and that she thanks God that they are blessed to have me as their Ate. I thought, I would not mind being their Ate or even my former students' Ate - I know what I am called for and I am in pursuit.
Friday, January 5, 2007
The Bible Has Legs
One of the many things I so love is hearing stories of encouragement - like that of Bethany Hamilton, Susana Wesley, the singaporean taxi driver, and a whole lot more.
And again, I just wanna share err post another story of man whose commitment is to honor God.
Read on.
"The british press called Eric Liddell a traitor to scottish sporting. After all, Liddell was favored to win the first olympic medal in track and field that scotland has ever been in contention for. But the qualifying heat for the 100 meter race in the 1924 olympic games was scheduled to take place on a sunday. Liddell believed that sunday was a day to give God glory, not to earn it for yourself. So as that shot from the starting pistol rang out sunday morning, Liddell was not at the track. Instead, he was preaching in a church nearby.
But Liddell's most powerful sermon wasn't the one he gave from the pulpit. It was the one he lived out day by day. though the "flying scotsman" went on to win an unexpected gold as he set a new world record in the 400-meter race, as well as placing third in the 200-meter, it wasn't only his speed that won Liddell notoriety. It was his commitment to honor God. "
Not everyone reads the Bible. But if we believe in God, people are constantly reading us.
I also believe that whatever our true convictions are will be evident in the way we live our lives.
It is so true that our life will tell a different "Bible story" than anyone else's. Whatever we do, the convictions we hold will preach a more convincing sermon than anything we'll ever say.
"Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words."
- St. Francis of Assisi
And again, I just wanna share err post another story of man whose commitment is to honor God.
Read on.
"The british press called Eric Liddell a traitor to scottish sporting. After all, Liddell was favored to win the first olympic medal in track and field that scotland has ever been in contention for. But the qualifying heat for the 100 meter race in the 1924 olympic games was scheduled to take place on a sunday. Liddell believed that sunday was a day to give God glory, not to earn it for yourself. So as that shot from the starting pistol rang out sunday morning, Liddell was not at the track. Instead, he was preaching in a church nearby.
But Liddell's most powerful sermon wasn't the one he gave from the pulpit. It was the one he lived out day by day. though the "flying scotsman" went on to win an unexpected gold as he set a new world record in the 400-meter race, as well as placing third in the 200-meter, it wasn't only his speed that won Liddell notoriety. It was his commitment to honor God. "
Not everyone reads the Bible. But if we believe in God, people are constantly reading us.
I also believe that whatever our true convictions are will be evident in the way we live our lives.
It is so true that our life will tell a different "Bible story" than anyone else's. Whatever we do, the convictions we hold will preach a more convincing sermon than anything we'll ever say.
"Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words."
- St. Francis of Assisi
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)