Owmaygadness!

Thankfully, the baby in the stroller was miraculously saved and was not that injured but I could imagine the horror of the baby's Mom during that very moment.

God is really good.

Never Again

After weeks of trying to shield myself from pain and all that is akin to it, something sharp pierced me and made its way to my quite delicate heart. A strange yet brutal accusation did it. I have been told, conveniently through sms – that I “love or care for a person, ONLY when I needed them”.

That was a mouthful. Enough to make me cringe and felt utterly sour all throughout. I realized I still have more practicing to do, if I really intend to shield myself from pain caused mostly by other people. I could not help but wonder, is this how I painted myself to this person – that to my horror, I am some heartless and friendly user person? Ugh. What a disaster!

I am not going to parade all the seemingly gargantuan things (at least for this girl) that I did for those I love and care about because that will be bragging and things might twist, people might misinterpret – which do not happen rarely.

It was a brutal attack and I am betting that this person will never apologize for this – because s/he will probably reason that s/he never made anything wrong. Who am I kidding? Ugh. But I am still hoping, I am wrong about this.

I am aware I made some wrong turns and being the expressive person that I am, I sometimes have the tendency to get carried away and would say what I have to say – no cloaking at all. And for that, I am sorry. I have learned and I am now much better in being quite non-verbal.

I shed buckets of tears and my chest pained while I was at it – told you, I have the tendency to get carried away. But after that, I am ok. I am doing myself a favor – spare myself from the beating caused by people who seems to enjoy making assumptions. I refuse to be the victim and instead come out a victor.

And I will learn from this.

I am going to become better and “you” cannot hurt me anymore. EVER.

Again

A good friend left again.

And I am left here -

Pushing myself,
To endure... again.

Super funny!

Owmaygadness! Hilarious.

Couldn't be happier

"Once you go Black, you go Back 2 Back!"

ONE. BIG. FIGHT.

photo c/o of Bleacher's Brew.

For Bin

I am not so sure if you can read this or if you can still see me - but I am keeping my hopes high that in that beautiful place where you are now, you still watch over me - like the way you used to when you were still very much around.

Rummaging through some of my old stuff (and what was left of it) and chanced upon your things, I could not help but feel completely nostalgic. Staring at our pictures made me want to go back in time.

It has been more than 3 years now (almost 4 come November) since you left and you are still very much alive in me. I still know your little antics. And yes, I miss those. 

I played an old song - only to catch myself daydreaming, wishing you're still here. 

You are sorely and forever missed. 

K.

Cannot Wait

I am done reading the book for the 2nd time - I just cannot simply wait for the movie to be shown. 

I heart Edward. Haha. 

Kung Ayaw Mo, Huwag Mo

Hari ng dedmahan ang

teleponong apat na

magdamag ng ‘di umiimik

Kung ‘di ka tatawagan

may pag-asa kayang

Maisip mo ako’t biglang ma-miss

Hindi kita mapipilit kung ayaw mo

‘wag mo akong isipin bahala na

Hindi kita mapipigil kung balak mong

Ako’y iwanang nag-iisa

P’wes walkathon ako patungo riyan

Isosoli ko lang lahat ng mga sulat mo

At me-katok pa yata’ng doorbell n’yo

Magtatatlong oras na’ko rito… hello!?

Kung ayomo ‘wag, Kung ayomo ‘wag,

Kung ayomo, kung ayaw mo, huwag mo!

Kung ayomo ‘wag, Kung ayomo ‘wag

Kung ayomo, kung ayaw mo, huwag mo!

Being V

It happened so fast.

And before she knew it, she is already torn and does not have any inklings whatsoever what to do next. She does not exactly know what to feel - it was all a huge question mark on her forehead.

****

More than once in our lifetime, we face certain circumstances when we feel like such heartaches will never end. From a huge number of being betrayed, wronged and heaven knows what other tangles you're trying to get through and test your enduring power, it is quite a miracle how someone so beat up can stand still and face these odds without losing her sanity and humor. 

Over the years, this girl has learned to be verbal on a lot of things  - when she's hurt, confused and happy, you could sense it from her. She refuses to hide and pretend that things are ok when they're not. But such learned trait has its disadvantages - people (especially the loved ones) categorized her being verbal as complaining and to her horror, self pity-cum-pity partying drama. 

In her vocabulary, there is a huge difference between complaining and expressing herself. But maybe things go wrong because of how she sometimes deliver her words.

She knew too well that she's neither perfect nor a complete evil but sometimes, when things get out of hand and people overdo their mean, selfish and proud ways, she tends to retaliate  and would push herself to the limits.  Sometimes to the extent of blaming herself for all the "bad" things that happened to her. Telling herself that she's never going to be good enough for anyone no matter how hard she tries. Thinking that some people do not really take her as her but as someone they can take advantage of. 

It was during late 2004 when she joined the bandwagon of being verbal  - good or bad. Words that were usually saved in the written form, are heard. Rages that were usually kept inside her room, are felt. She embraced it too well that she could now hardly let go of it when it should better be. 

Something happened to her sometime last week that made quite an impact on her about being verbal, delivery of words and some "misplaced" wrath. She realized that she becomes somebody else - like a female beast, when she bottled her emotions up for too long. And that it is time to really let go of such trait she embraced 5 years ago.

She knows that it'll be quite a challenge but becoming better and taming this roaring female beast has its advantages and will most probably leave her unbruised. 

Rio, it is!

Happiness!

My CNN Hero

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