After weeks of trying to shield myself from pain and all that is akin to it, something sharp pierced me and made its way to my quite delicate heart. A strange yet brutal accusation did it. I have been told, conveniently through sms – that I “love or care for a person, ONLY when I needed them”.
That was a mouthful. Enough to make me cringe and felt utterly sour all throughout. I realized I still have more practicing to do, if I really intend to shield myself from pain caused mostly by other people. I could not help but wonder, is this how I painted myself to this person – that to my horror, I am some heartless and friendly user person? Ugh. What a disaster!
I am not going to parade all the seemingly gargantuan things (at least for this girl) that I did for those I love and care about because that will be bragging and things might twist, people might misinterpret – which do not happen rarely.
It was a brutal attack and I am betting that this person will never apologize for this – because s/he will probably reason that s/he never made anything wrong. Who am I kidding? Ugh. But I am still hoping, I am wrong about this.
I am aware I made some wrong turns and being the expressive person that I am, I sometimes have the tendency to get carried away and would say what I have to say – no cloaking at all. And for that, I am sorry. I have learned and I am now much better in being quite non-verbal.
I shed buckets of tears and my chest pained while I was at it – told you, I have the tendency to get carried away. But after that, I am ok. I am doing myself a favor – spare myself from the beating caused by people who seems to enjoy making assumptions. I refuse to be the victim and instead come out a victor.
And I will learn from this.
I am going to become better and “you” cannot hurt me anymore. EVER.
