The TV is still on at past 12 midnight, you were just staring blankly – and then you were sobbing. Those bitterly sobbing made me stayed up all night, too. I am sorry that you felt rotten. I wish you never have to go through that familiar misery again but you still did.
I saw how badly wounded you are now and it pains me, too. Those bulging eyes from excessive crying, those loud hiccups and relative chest pains – these things you do not actually deserve. I can see you – all of you.
My dear, I have learned not too long ago – although I still have a hard time accepting it but truth is, there are just some people who seem to be enjoying watching someone else get burned. That there are some who finds satisfaction and happiness when they've caused other people so much pain. No matter how much we both complain about how the circumstances can be unfair but life is never fair, you see. You win some, you lose some but do not ever lose that faith and hope that is still in you.
I have seen all those phases in your life when the world required you to grow old faster than usual, while it was difficult for you – you still faced it head on. There were struggles you never imagined but you faced them not because you deserved them but simply because there's no other way but to move forward.
I wish I could tell you that everything will be alright but I know that you have heard several people promised the same thing to you and yet, you are in this murky place – finding your way back.
By the look in your eyes, you are questioning and doubting. Whether you are tackling the right path, is this the kind of life you're bound to have, must you always have to be surprised by things you should have been told a long time ago, should you always have to pick up yourself every time people caused you so much pain, should you always have to endure and until when.
I know where you are coming from. I know your pain. But I hope you also know that, as it did in the past, all these tests are meant for you to become stronger and a better individual. That at the end of it all, even if people cannot seem to stop themselves from lying and hurting you – you will still come out as a victor. There is no point in trying to reason out or understand why they do things – it'll just worn you out. You are better than this. I know that.
Cry if you must. Feel pain now but please, do not stop there. Learn from this painful experience. Forgive them when you already can but you must forgive yourself first. You cannot give what you do not have. This will not happen overnight, the pain will plague you like a nightmare but do not let that nightmare get the best of you. You are better than that.
I know that despite all those mouthful complains, you have a good heart. It amazes me how you can still manage to keep yourself afloat despite all the craziness. I am glad you have not rebelled just so you could prove your point. You have me, I will always be here no matter what. I am, as I was in the past, your greatest friend. But above all, you have Him. He has always been your Master Shield.
For now, I wish you'd pick up that matte foundation – put it on your face. Put some blush on and a little lip gloss – so that you'll have some color. Get up now. Show the world that you have class. That it will take them forever to bring you down – you are just too good for them. Ha!
Tell yourself over and over that you must have something great in you that they could not stop themselves from tearing you down.
You may not feel this now but the dark clouds will soon move and you will finally the sun. :)
Your other self,
Me
