Wednesday, March 17, 2010

FSJ's Hindsight




Published below are excerpts from F Sionil Jose's article, To the young writers of Cavite



Now we must realize how our leaders today have betrayed us, too; they used the slogans of nationalism, the enduring ties of kinship, of patronage to assume power and colonize us.

Aside from these painful contradictions, our past also informs us how empty our country is of the hoary civilizations of Asia, the great temples, the classical arts and particularly literature, which our part of the world has in abundance.

Must we then, particularly those of us who write, feel inferior to our neighbors with their ancient cultural achievements, their great pre-colonial art?

For those of us who write, the paucity of such artistic effusions should not cripple us into despair and cultural paralysis. On the contrary, our past should be the challenge, the future faced with trepidation, hard work, originality. We are the shapers of culture, the builders of those cathedrals, the proud foundation of a nation. It is a heavy burden we ourselves do not quite realize — least of all our countrymen who are shallow and who do not care. But we the architects and builders must — if only to deserve our legacy from Rizal.

How will this be done?

Whatever history teaches us, whatever historians tell us, we must not forget that in the end, we should not be just CaviteƱos, or Ilokanos, Maranaos or Mangyans — from the strength of these identities, we must be Filipinos, committed to Cavite, to the Ilokos, to Mindanao — yes, but never forgetting that these loyalties are the tenacious roots of a wider loyalty to this unhappy country where we live, whose effulgent future is ours to shape.

We must never forget that Aguinaldo was captured because he was betrayed by Filipino mercenaries — many of whom demean us to this very day.

We must not forget that Filipinos — our men of history like Andres Bonifacio and Antonio Luna — were not killed by either the Spaniards or the Americans but by Filipinos; that today the same pitiable continuum is in the Moro and communist rebellions — Filipinos killing Filipinos.

These are for the young and particularly the writers — the brains of the country — to ponder, to ingest and more so this season when so many of you will go to the polls and elect new leaders.
It matters very much who you will vote for and your vote should not be for someone who you like because he has done you, your family and your town favors, or because you like what he says, or that he comes to you with an array of promises and gladdens your day with the antics of professional entertainers, movie and TV personalities.

Think of the candidate who has the intelligence, the track record and the sincerity not just to be president but to be truly Filipino. Think hard for you must vote not just with your heart but with your intellect.

Whenever starry-eyed young people ask me for advice because they want to be writers, I tell them: Don’t. I speak not just with a lot of hindsight but with the wisdom of experience and age.
In spite of the hard work, the emotional and spiritual anguish, writing does not pay. As we all know, writers in general all over the world seldom make a comfortable living.

Writing is a vocation, not a profession. As such, it may explain the travail writers must live with. I was discussing this very subject with that brilliant young writer Francesca Kwe a while ago, and she said, “Why, then, must the writer persevere?” Why will you ignore what this decrepit octogenarian tells you?

Yes, why should we continue? We will persevere because we are hopelessly hopeful that our work may fulfill us, and in the process, do a bit of good for others. We will go on because we are egoists but this ego is transcended by our obdurate faith that we may yet help create a just society. Maybe, we are motivated by hate — but that is the other side of love, first for our own selves and beyond us, our fellow men.

We will not prevail, we will probably fail, but we will try and try again, because you — we — are truly Filipino.

The Only Exception





When I was younger 
I saw my daddy cry 
And cursed at the wind
He broke his own heart 
And I watched as he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore
That she would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I’d never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling, you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul 
That love never lasts
And we’ve got to find other ways to make it alone
Keep a straight face

I’ve always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself
That I’m content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

But you are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

I’ve got a tight grip on reality 
But I can’t let go of what’s in front of me here
I know you’re leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

And I’m on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

A thought






If you can't be honest with the little things, 
you can never be honest with the bigger things.

If you can't be trusted with the littlest of things, 
you can never be trusted with the bigger things. 


Monday, March 8, 2010

Dearest






The TV is still on at past 12 midnight, you were just staring blankly – and then you were sobbing. Those bitterly sobbing made me stayed up all night, too. I am sorry that you felt rotten. I wish you never have to go through that familiar misery again but you still did.

I saw how badly wounded you are now and it pains me, too. Those bulging eyes from excessive crying, those loud hiccups and relative chest pains – these things you do not actually deserve. I can see you – all of you.

My dear, I have learned not too long ago – although I still have a hard time accepting it but truth is, there are just some people who seem to be enjoying watching someone else get burned. That there are some who finds satisfaction and happiness when they've caused other people so much pain. No matter how much we both complain about how the circumstances can be unfair but life is never fair, you see. You win some, you lose some but do not ever lose that faith and hope that is still in you.

I have seen all those phases in your life when the world required you to grow old faster than usual, while it was difficult for you – you still faced it head on. There were struggles you never imagined but you faced them not because you deserved them but simply because there's no other way but to move forward.

I wish I could tell you that everything will be alright but I know that you have heard several people promised the same thing to you and yet, you are in this murky place – finding your way back.

By the look in your eyes, you are questioning and doubting. Whether you are tackling the right path, is this the kind of life you're bound to have, must you always have to be surprised by things you should have been told a long time ago, should you always have to pick up yourself every time people caused you so much pain, should you always have to endure and until when.

I know where you are coming from. I know your pain. But I hope you also know that, as it did in the past, all these tests are meant for you to become stronger and a better individual. That at the end of it all, even if people cannot seem to stop themselves from lying and hurting you – you will still come out as a victor. There is no point in trying to reason out or understand why they do things – it'll just worn you out. You are better than this. I know that.

Cry if you must. Feel pain now but please, do not stop there. Learn from this painful experience. Forgive them when you already can but you must forgive yourself first. You cannot give what you do not have. This will not happen overnight, the pain will plague you like a nightmare but do not let that nightmare get the best of you. You are better than that.

I know that despite all those mouthful complains, you have a good heart. It amazes me how you can still manage to keep yourself afloat despite all the craziness. I am glad you have not rebelled just so you could prove your point. You have me, I will always be here no matter what. I am, as I was in the past, your greatest friend. But above all, you have Him. He has always been your Master Shield.

For now, I wish you'd pick up that matte foundation – put it on your face. Put some blush on and a little lip gloss – so that you'll have some color. Get up now. Show the world that you have class. That it will take them forever to bring you down – you are just too good for them. Ha!

Tell yourself over and over that you must have something great in you that they could not stop themselves from tearing you down.

You may not feel this now but the dark clouds will soon move and you will finally the sun. :)


Your other self,
Me

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Afternoon Plea






Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that
I don’t feel Your presence right now?

Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that
I have ran out of patience today?

Will You get mad at me
If I ask you
"Why did you let them hurt me?"

Will You get mad at me
If I ask you
"Am I being punished for my mistakes?"

Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that
“I think that is not just fair!”

Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that
I cannot let go of the hurt just yet?

Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that
My heart is screaming with anger?

Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that 
Insecurities and fears hit me again?


Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that 
I have been crying like anything?


Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that
I have failed You yet again?

Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that 
I could not wear my brave hat now?

Will You get mad at me
If I tell you that
After all that You’ve done for me, I feel alone now?

Will You get mad at me
If I ask you, dear Lord 
To move those bad clouds so that I could see the sun?