Checking Reality

Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?

Boston Madness

I almost screamed my insanity out after I checked the latest from NBA. Boston Celtics now leads the series, 3-2.

Woohoo!

Pardon my insanity. Don't worry, I am working on keeping it very intact. *wink

Painstakingly Waiting

One of the very few things that really pisses me off big time is when I am “forced” to wait. Someone, something or whatever – I am just not a fan of waiting.

As of this writing, I am so bursting with emotions that I had to watch myself breathe – forcing myself to calm down. Tears are nowhere to be found just yet. I am trying to tell myself that everything is going to be okay even if things are not that okay. Suddenly, I have become too passive – wouldn’t really dare to utter words unless asked. I would often wonder for how long I must wait. Do I stay put and let these “horrible” things and creatures be horrible or should I take action and leave this murky place?

Sadly (or not, I don’t know), I am staying put and letting “them” be whoever they want to be. Worse, I am forcing it – dragging myself too much that it hurts already. Forgive me if I am painting myself to be a whining prick – just figuring out an outlet.

Everyday I would challenge myself to stay put and just focus on things that really make sense but somewhere within the day, I would catch myself breathing heavily… almost disgusted and am back wondering to my list of could have been incidents. Silly, I know.

I am fully aware that no one is to be blamed for this but me… only me. I made some difficult decisions and am paying for it big time. It is also fair to say that I am not alone in this journey. Some hands are holding me and for that, I am extra grateful but these hands can hold me only for awhile. Soon, I will reach the bottom and paddle to keep myself afloat again.

With such a heavy heart, I still have not lost my hopeful side. That all these 20-something crises will soon be over. And while I am painstakingly waiting, I have heed C.S. Lewis’ advice – yes, I have started reading fairy tales again.

Keep Going

As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the shoulda, woulda, coulda, buckle up and just keep going.

Fairy Bag

HOLY COW!

This Prada Fairy Bag is so pretty and enchanting. My eyes grew wide when I saw this online. This was released early this year - makes me wonder, do they still have this?

I. SO. WANT. THIS.

Wondering Woman

As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be and where ever we want to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'

Fixing a Hole

Silly people run around they worry me
And never ask me why they don't get past my door.
I'm taking the time for a number of things
That weren't important yesterday
And I still go.
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering
Where it will go.
- The Beatles

Cook Rocks

And the new American Idol is...


DAVID COOK!

Name Calling

Growing up, kin calls me Katrina;
And then there was Kuting;
I was Anna K. to elementary friends and classmates;
Neighbors and the like call me Anna.

Old friends still call me Kakat;
But Kat is more acceptable.
Former officemates would call me Kat L;
And then later on, I would respond to KL or even Katsky.

Nanay calls me Tina;
Iya calls me Trina.
Mom calls me Anna Katrina when I did something awful;
My little students call me Teacher Meow.

I am Beb to my beau;
Kathryn, Kathy, Kath - my current officemates call me.
I am Ina to some strangers, at times.
But nothing beats when siblings and cousins would call me Ate Kat.

Fairy Tales Again

"Someday you will be old enough
to start reading fairy tales again."
- C.S. Lewis

Reflections

Look at me,
You may think you see who I really am,
But you'll never know me.
Ev'ry day it's as if I play a part.
Now I see if I wear a mask I can fool the world,
But I cannot fool my heart.

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?

- Christina Aguilera, Reflections

Kneeling

I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
I will not fear the tens of thousands
drawn up against me on every side.
Arise, O LORD!
Deliver me, O my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.
-Psalm 3:5-7

Flag Ceremony

“Minus all the economic and political b.s. in this country, the singing of the Philippine National Anthem should provide the only sane moment that reminds a Filipino that he or she is still a Filipino.”
- There's The Rub article

Pausch's Last Lecture

Loving Ploning

Being avid movie fans that we are, Hon and I never quite considered checking out local movies simply because we already know the drift. Most of the time, such movies offer the same thing – different scenario, maybe but the same recipes. Please don’t get me wrong – my beau and I are regulars of the Metro Manila Film Festival movies. We would watch a couple or so movies and that’s it. Some are relatively good and interesting enough to have our eyes glued without even feeling them rolled.

Expecting nothing, Hon and I have decided to watch a Judy Ann Santos starrer, Ploning last weekend – because a good friend of ours, Jojit is part of the cast – he was Basit.

At the onset, I already loved the cinematography. Something about the lighted candles, sound of the ocean’s wave and the background music (a folk song) captured me. The movie presented a different Judy Ann Santos as she powerfully portrayed the role of Ploning. We didn’t see her being slapped and cursed by her villains.

The supporting cast did really good and deserved more than just a nod – but amongst these wonderful characters, my heart went to the young Digo (played by a Cuyo native kid) and his paralyzed “Nanay” (played by Eugene Domingo). Digo’s priceless innocence made me want to change the world for him. Haha. Silly, I know but that was how I felt at the time I was watching the movie.

Ploning is a wonderful showcase of what the Philippines and its native has to offer - such beauty and talent.

Ako'y Isang Pinoy

Akoy isang pinoy sa pusot diwa
Pinoy na isinilang sa ating bansa
Akoy hindi sanay sa wikang mga banyaga
Akoy pinoy na mayroong sariling wika
Wikang pambansa ang gamit kong salita
Bayan kong sinilangan, hangad kong lagi ang kalayaan

Si Gat. Jose Rizal nooy nagwika
Siya ay nagpangaral sa ating bansa
Ang hindi raw magmahal sa sariling wika
ay higit pa ang amoy sa mabahong isda
Wikang pambansa ang gamit kong salita
Bayan kong sinilangan, hangad kong lagi ang kalayaan

Akoy isang pinoy sa pusot diwa
Pinoy na isinilang sa ating bansa
Akoy hindi sanay sa wikang mga banyaga
Akoy pinoy na mayroong sariling wika

- Florante

***
My youngest brother, Gello called me at work today because he felt like singing this song to me. When asked why that song, he could only give me a "Ate, what time ka uuwi?"

Happiness is having a brother like Gello, who despite of himself has his way of making the people around him feel so loved.

Stress Relief

Click on the image for a better view.

Turning Gold

Since the day that I was introduced to wearing an analyst’s hat back in college days, I have embraced and loved it like my second nature. And over the years, it has become me and me has become it until I craved for something else.

I am a corporate diva and deliverable has always been part of my vocabulary. I would always push myself to deliver – that was my training from where I grew up, good ol’ college days and now, corporate world. Imagine my frustration when nothing comes out of me – horrible.

We all have reasons why we push ourselves – breadwinners, of wanting to be on top of the world, of wanting to get noticed and/or be accepted. Mine is simply because I am my parents’ daughter. They push us to be the great at all times – no ifs and buts, only keep moving. While I don’t consider myself a warrior because I falter and commit mistakes like everyone else, I take warning signs by heart and study them. I don’t want to live a life full of regrets – wanting to go back in time when you’re not supposed to anymore or worse, wanting to be somebody else.

I am now in an awkward situation – it is not like a super life altering situation but it is making an impact on me and my eating habits (I can now eat 3 and half cups of rice in one seating). I wake up with the sound of the deepest sigh and doze still with a hopeful heart that things will become a little bit better the next day.

While my tired feet tackle every street of this pretty awkward situation, my hands are being held by Someone great and some earthly angels who would pray for me and incessantly throw me good vibes when I am losing mine.

Tests are good, I was told. My true colors will come out beautifully as I struggle and find my way to where He is putting me. I just have to be still and always know that I am not really alone in my journey.

Remind Me

"like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."
- 1 Peter 3:6

Sa Langit

Ako ay may kaba

Ako ay nag-aalala

Kung tayo ba ay magkikita sa langit

Doon sa langit

Sana sa langit

Sana sa langit

Ang tanging pag-asa ko na lang ay langit

- Moonstar 88