To talk is not innate to me - and I guess, never will.
Since time immemorial, I have always kept a journal where I could write my thoughts and shout outs without being misunderstood or hurting anybody. Over the years, I have dragged myself to be a better communicator - for my own damn sake and somebody else's. There was even a time, I "stopped" writing because I have to hone my "talking" skills but there's always something that pulls me back hard enough to make me write again and just shut up.
There was never an incident where I opened up to a "loved one" where I was understood. It was always the other way around and worst, the conversation ends dramatically. No matter how hard I try to explain and differentiate "complaining" from just mere "opening up" - at one point or another, things will never conclude without being told the same old lines, "If you cannot deal with me or this, might as well leave."
It was a major blow for me. I saw Kat of old again - afraid to "talk" and to "trust".
I carry a heavy heart today and that line keeps on playing in my head like a busted recorder. I hope that in God's sweet time, things will be bearable.
Oh well.
Maybe I should take his advice then - marry my damn notebooks, get used to "tough love" and be strong like a man.
Since time immemorial, I have always kept a journal where I could write my thoughts and shout outs without being misunderstood or hurting anybody. Over the years, I have dragged myself to be a better communicator - for my own damn sake and somebody else's. There was even a time, I "stopped" writing because I have to hone my "talking" skills but there's always something that pulls me back hard enough to make me write again and just shut up.
There was never an incident where I opened up to a "loved one" where I was understood. It was always the other way around and worst, the conversation ends dramatically. No matter how hard I try to explain and differentiate "complaining" from just mere "opening up" - at one point or another, things will never conclude without being told the same old lines, "If you cannot deal with me or this, might as well leave."
It was a major blow for me. I saw Kat of old again - afraid to "talk" and to "trust".
I carry a heavy heart today and that line keeps on playing in my head like a busted recorder. I hope that in God's sweet time, things will be bearable.
Oh well.
Maybe I should take his advice then - marry my damn notebooks, get used to "tough love" and be strong like a man.
