Since late last year, this girl has learned to tackle her issues in silence – even when she is about to burst in frustration, she would still try her darn best to keep herself afloat. She resolved into this “obsession” because that was expected from her – to keep her mouth shut.
More often than not, she would usually hear dear people say that her ranting always connotes to complaining. That sometimes, she felt like no one near wants to listen - only those who are far. Or maybe, they have their own things going on that to pause and take time to listen even for a while is history. Another observation is that – people make assumptions already without even bothering to listen to the whole darn story. Solutions are presented even before she could even ask for those.
A week before Christmas 2009, some little “things” in her body started to act strangely yet again and she had to take medications to “normalize” things and pray for His grace. Most of the time she was so weak, sluggish and did she say, physical pain has been her constant company for 4 weeks straight? The pain will leave her only for awhile and then would hit her back again – driving her to tolerate such pain in ways never known to her. Yet, people closest to her – very, very seldom heard her “rant" about these things. She would hide her pain and tears in the darkness and cloak in work, writing and reading.
She showed everyone that she is courageous. Brave enough to tackle things on her own – without even asking for help, counsel or anything outside her own little world. Her “warrior” stance was (and still is) unshaken in front of people but she would collapse on her knees when she is having her personal time with Him. She did not rebel nor show any signs of rebellion.
Although she would often think of all the worst-case scenarios known to her, she hopes abundantly. Her heart cries to her Maker, knowing that things happen because He allowed things to happen. She has learned to look at the brighter side of things – always.
Living for the moment and looking forward are wonderful reminders of things she needed to do at the time when she’s in complete pain. To let go and give up sound very tempting but she did not give in. She knew that there is no glamor in giving up. There is no dramatic and fabulous ending in it. And it is just not nice for those who will read her life’s portfolio with notes like “In the end, she gave up the fight.”
This agonizing pain that haunted her for weeks are now saved for history. It was only this week when experts pronounced that these “strange things” are finally out of her system. This came after she resolved that there is nothing on earth that could ever make these things ever go away if not for His grace.
Through all those moments when she would be wheeled, take series of tests – with all those painful shots, she realized that despite her being this never-the-cowboy-type-of-a-girl stance – she is a warrior, too and can outdo any man when it comes to inner strength.
A woman can be physically weak and bruises easily but she has an inner strength not quite known to a man.
Who says that the worst of times cannot be the best of times, too? Well, this girl begs to differ.
