Supposedly Bad

I just pulled the plug;
The exchanges are no longer enticing.
More words meant more pain and tears now.
I have to retreat;
For this is not the battle I should be tackling.

The trembling sound of your voice -
Words we use - degrading;
Surprisingly, I have gotten used to it.
I started wondering -
What else should I be doing to make it right?

I have changed a lot;
While, I still bask on certain goodness -
I fear that they’re never enough;
An old self opens her mouth, saying - “just paddle on”
My current self has started to argue -
“But I am getting tired!”

Am I becoming someone I am not supposed to be?
Or this is just another phase; this’ll pass.
Still I wonder - must I always have to ask for a permission -
Is it okay to talk; to be hugged; to be caressed?
Tell me.

Suddenly, I no longer know what to fight for;
Or why I am even fighting just to be heard.
Heard myself almost shouting and cursing;
I am no longer my old self -
Evolved; evolution - whatever.

The talking should stop, I suppose;
Teach myself to be tougher like a wicked man.
Love myself more; forget about the miseries;
My gut is shouting; this’ll be over.
I should just zip it; just shut up.

...
Or maybe, I am just a bad person.