Walk Down the Road

Water rushes down my back
Down the water runs
Walking in the rain then seemed beyond conception
But I've never been so alive
So much in love with life
And from the gray, gray sky
Fell the tear of all tears

I walked down the road,
Looked up at the sky
Now I know why.
- Cynthia Alexander

Truth

Let’s not forget
You kept me waiting
What can I do to get through to you
Tired of singin to myself
I need a lesson
I need a blessing
The shoe fits all we need is a little glue
I hate what you do
- Bamboo

You and Me

Dear You,

I find it a bit strange that I finally found the galls to write you something. If you haven't noticed just yet, most of my writings are about people (that includes me, of course) - what I see about them, their feelings and even their nuances but I have never really written anything for you the past 24 years. Okay, something struck me hard that I finally said yes to this certain longing of writing you something... anything! I know, you have been nudging me to do this and for some reason, writing you did not quite interest me. Silly, I know.

Crap. Now I am blubbering.

Have you been crying lately, dear? I think you have. Would you like some warm hugs and a glass of hot milk? Someone to talk to?

I know the journey has been quite a challenge for you - most especially that you have been faring alone. That is sad but take heart, things will work out for the best. You have been suppressing your fears and monsters, I admire you for that but I hope that you do it more often and I know in no time, you'll win. The good always wins, remember?

You have a very beautiful heart, dear. And please, don't be too harsh on yourself. Yes, some people are just evil – it is quite natural for them to hurt other people. For some reason, it gives them certain pride. And to that, I am almost begging you not to let these creatures win - fight until the end.

Shh. You're crying... Its okay to cry, I know you're sad and quite troubled. It was so brave of you to take so many risks when you once vowed that you wouldn’t let other people in anymore. I am proud of you that you have been trusting other people again. That is just great!

I know this is hard but you have to go out of your comfort zone and see that there are also some creatures that will mean you no harm. Promise. Kill your inner monster and let the others appreciate your beauty. You just have no idea how beautiful and stunningly radiant you are - inside and out. Gather yourself and prep up to be that person you are so meant to be. Please for the love of whoever, let yourself be known and let your good traits shine!

I remember years ago, when you first found out about being betrayed and how it was so hard for you to face it head on. It was hard and harsh times but do you remember how hard you prayed that night, when you cannot really do it on your own? You got your prayers answered a dozen of times; don't turn your back now. Oh, I hope you don't and won’t.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes because such is part of life. Nobody ever said that this is going to be a mistake-free life. Just look beyond those silly mistakes you can ever commit, learn from those and don't ever let them rule your life. Tough, yes? It is but you have me, always. Promise, I won't leave you - not ever.

I love you.


Love,
K.

Handwaving

'Tis from Uly, an old friend since prep err forever. Yes, that was like back in 1988 - when I was 5, he was 6. A long time ago - when he was still a "boy". Haha.

Hold up, hold on.

Don't be scared,
You'll never change what's been and gone.
May your smile shine on.
Don't be scared,
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cos all of the stars have faded away,
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them some day.
Take what you need,
And be on your way,
And stop crying your heart out.

Hay! Salamat talaga sa internet. "Talking" to friends from different continents has never been this handy. Uly dear, super thanks for sending me notes ha. Appreciate ko, super. See you next year, yes?

Torpe

College days were the best days of my life, that I can say again and again. I morphed to be somebody else that time and it was for the better.

I already sported my sexy short hair that time and I would lovingly mess it up sometimes - to my parents' annoyance, haha. I was and will always be feminine, only that I used to sing with an alternative band, loved Jansport/Eastpak bags and most of my friends are boys. Suddenly, I became quite "intriguing" to some Engineering students and had a following at that.

I always thought that being part of the CET (College of Engineering and Technology) and wearing that ID with a line of red was cool. You can now tell, I was and will always be proud of being amongst those "nerd" Engineering students that I can still yell, Go CET!

It was also in college when I started to be very, very girlish and began to really liked and checked out boys - oh yes, raining men! I remember liking this boy who seemed to like me as well - but never really had the galls to tell me. With those looks that could melt me in an instant and the almost nightly phone calls - we were both smitten, only that we never became an item. A could have been, one can say.

Oh well. Torpe, he must have been.

Years have passed and we both have evolved to be whoever that we want to be. I am quite happy at now.

When fate would have it, on my way to work today - an old HYP song was being played over the radio. It was torpe and I caught myself singing that old darn song again. Haha. MTV-like. I remember that same boy of years back.

Ayoko ng torpe, pero gusto kita.

Firewoman

The moons gone down
I know you're still awake
This heart I've found
I didn't intend to break.

Cause I've seen the world from down there
And it wasn't a pretty sight
Now the circle is turning
Are you armed for the fight?

I wanna be a firewoman
I'll water down your desire
Cause I know this love is a killer
I wanna put out your fire.

Apology is futility
Now destiny is not a friend
Did you come for danger
You gave me love for pain.

Now you're much more than a stranger
I wanna give you love
But all I have is rain
I'm gonna put it out.

Smoking Sparkling Eyes

Such sparkling eyes are smoking -
From angst or sense of betrayal, I cannot tell.
But soon, they're wet -
Running down fast, touching the cheeks.

Such sparkling eyes are smoking -
Must be hurt or something, I cannot tell.
The look in the eyes is piercing.
Sadness enveloped.

Such sparkling eyes are smoking -
From a certain tinge of confusion, I cannot tell.
Of hope being quite defeated.
Seething, I hope not.

Such sparkling eyes are smoking -
They're watery and tomorrow is quite dim.
But to loosen up is an option to be embraced.
You'll see, my eyes will sparkle again and again.

Tuesdays with Morrie: Stage Version

I have always loved Mitch Albom and his books. My love affair with his writings started with Tuesdays with Morrie during my college days. I would guiltlessly squeeze my reading the book while doing several projects for school. Yes, in between database and more!

The book hits the right note - not too depressing because it deals with death, yet not irreverent or lighthearted to cover up death. Instead it is a wonderful chronicling of friendship and life questions.

And it was a wonderful experience to "read" Tuesdays with Morrie again in a different medium - the stage version.

Bart Guingona played Mitch Albom and Jose Mari Avellana played Morrie Schwartz. I am not a big fan of plays but these gentlemen played their characters so well - that even if I knew the story by heart, still they made me catch my breathe in awe. I am telling you, it was THAT good.

The only problem I had with that Friday night experience was the effing latecomers! They must've forgotten that a play is not a movie in theaters, where they can just come in and go to their heart's content.

Oh well. There is such thing as Filipino time.

As the story ends, I caught myself sniffing with the rest of the audience as we all gave the actors (and the people behind the curtain) a warm applause for an outstanding portrayal.

And yes, we screamed "Good job!"

PS:
The show runs until January 27th.
8:00 PM on Fridays & Saturdays
3:30 PM on Saturdays & Sundays
OnStage, Greenbelt 1

PSS:
Please bring a hanky.

Let God

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means that I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it is the realization that I can't control another.

Defying Gravity

I'm through accepting limits
'Coz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner die
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down.
- Elphaba

Under Spell

I have been listening to Wicked soundtrack for a couple of months now and I owe my friend, JB for introducing this to me. While I am not quite a fan of plays - musical and otherwise, I have always loved music. I know I am no diva, but I can blow tunes quite nicely.

Sometimes, when I am in a foul mood - I would just listen to the soundtrack, imagined myself to be Elphalba, the green-skinned witch and would sing some of her songs. I can let myself get lost in a moment until my feet reaches rock bottom and face life head on, again.

Ha! I am telling you, this could be a good start to reinvent myself and who knows, close friends might catch me sitting prettily in front rows watching a play or two. But for now, let me enjoy this musical treat.

No, wait. I think I am under a spell!

Living for Democracy

At the very most, we can do more than just hope for the best, we can make goddamn sure we produce something good, never mind better or best. Nobody can predict the outcome of an inspired project, but one can always exert himself to help elicit reasonably beneficial, if not equally inspired, results from it. That's where we have always been weakest at. We're not afraid to risk life and limb to stop a tyranny from persisting, we're just too lazy to exercise life and limb to stop another tyranny from emerging. We like the heroic idea of dying for democracy, we just don't like the even more heroic idea of living for it.
- Conrado de Quiros

Eve to Adam

And I never could repay that look that's in your eyes
So to pledge myself to you would be no sacrifice.

Say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for getting older
You better know that in the end its better to say to much
Than to never to say what you need to say again
- John Mayer

A Serving Heart

As the new year almost quietly poked me with its pretty head, I knew I needed to make some necessary adjustments - new skills, make new friends (and keep the old ones), pursue the storytelling sessions with kids, continue getting A's in school and wear my many hats.

Last week, I started my hands on washing clothes. That seemed to be very easy a task to some but not for me. While I can get an A in washing the dishes, cleaning the house and bathroom, I sure suck at washing the clothes and even cooking. I know, most girls know to how to cook but I grew up in an environment where somebody does the cooking for us. And the fact that I was never interested in cooking, I never exerted an effort to stay, watch and observe the cook.

Oh well.

Now that I am "older" and preparing myself to wear a veil (but not super soon, though), life is quite leaving me with no other "good choice" but to go through such training - wash clothes, cook and more. Those who know me to the bones would surely agree with me that change, even if it is constant, is something I would not easily embrace. You can say that I am quite comfortable to my "regular life" already and "changes" would sometimes mean crying. I swear, I am not kidding.

Slowly, I am beginning to seriously wear my "serving" hat. You know, learning to share your life with a former stranger for the rest of your life and prioritizing him (and your kids, if ever) over your job and old self. Quite a task, I must say but sure its going to be rewarding.

I read somewhere that there's nothing more fulfilling than to be the one who serves with all your heart. Almost everything in me wants to embrace such a thought only that I still don't know how to cook! Bah!

Clockwatching

I'm off like an airplane,
I'm catching my second wind again.
I'm using my left brain
And I'm righting all my wrongs.
I'm yearning to turn you on.
- Jason Mraz

Thankful

I thank the Lord...

because you make me smile more;
because you make me believe in myself;
because you make me appreciate myself more;
because you make me see the beauty of this world;
because you make me overcome the obstacles of life;
because of you I experience happiness even in little things;
because of you I am stronger;
because of you I want to be the best that I can be;
because of you I have so much love to give.

That Was

When you are weary and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep...

1. For the thousand times that Christ saved me. I am His woman in the marketplace.

2. Heartaches that made me stronger.

3. My family.

4. Hon.

5. Friends - most especially the old ones.

6. Some new found friends - very few yet made quite an impact on me.

7. The gift to express in writing.

8. AdMU community.

9. KAKA - while being the youngest in that group, they still made me feel at home with them.

10. IMAJ - a bunch of colorful acts!

11. Lucas and Elijah - these boys have always given me spark when I am losing it.

12. Training Team - "not everyone can teach."

13. Gio's super pretty baby, Crispy.

14. Endless list of movies that moved my very soul.

15. Captivating.

A toast for the year that was and cheers to the new year!

Personal Shopper

This is a pretty "delayed" storytelling but I sure know, 'tis still worth telling.

Bare with me as I still try to cool down from a drinking spree with my Tito's as we celebrate the coming of the new year.

A few days before Christmas, I hopped and still tried my "luck" to see if I could squeeze in some gifts buying for my cousin, Zussane (who by the way is getting prettier everyday, what can I say - its in the genes!). Anyway, as I lined up to pay for my gifts - an old couple caught my attention by literally nudging me.

"Excuse me, miss."

Those were the first words that also caught my attention - I knew right there and then, the lady in her early 60's was talking to me. And she continued, "Can you help us choose bags for our grandkids?" There was something with the way she asked me and how her eyes shine - I was trapped and I knew it.


"We're visiting Manila for Christmas and we're flying back home on the 27th. I hope its not too much to ask if you could help us choose some gifts we're bringing back home." And with those lovely eyes (again!), I was captured. Something in my heart tugged and before I knew it, we were moving around Landmark - talking and I was choosing gifts for their grandkids I don't even know! Talk about being smitten.

That gifts-shopping ended with a warm hug from Dorothy and Mike (they've been married for 38 years and counting) and an almost never-ending thank you. But more than anything, I was blessed by such an experience.