Sometimes it blew me off everytime people would say I am good when I am talking in front or when I teach or when I sing or ask me if I don't get chilly when I am in front - what they didn't know is that I have been harboring such insecurity for almost 4 years now. That behind the confident and cosmo look is a crying, insecure soul. You see, I have been betrayed a lot of times, I have seen and heard loved ones lie about/to me and I swear, I have never been this afraid in my entire life! That should conclude why I am such an insecure soul. =(
I hate watching my back almost all the time - it tires my soul so much, I hate being afraid that one day I will found out that somebody in my strings just lied about/to me, I hate checking my email handles only to found out, I just received several hate email messages from people I don't even know (most of them are people who likes my beau - yeah, his students and those I am not supposed to mention), I hate figuring out how on earth did they find out what my handles are (you see, I have changed handles several times - more than you could ever imagine, all because I was trying to runaway from such creatures), I hate being watched (I had this stalker in the past and I swear he scared the wits out of me. READ: Paranoid) and I hate secrets (people with secret lives refuse to be helped) - most especially when everybody knows something but me. Oh man! Don't I deserve honesty?
Oh well.
I just miss my old life so much that I cry the very moment I remember yearning for it. Don't get me wrong, my present is wonderful and so colorful but the circumstances I mentioned previously make me want to go back and stay there forever. But life, no matter how difficult it has become, should go on.
Adulthood can be such a hassle at times but I know life can only become better - I will always be that daddy's little girl who always hopes for the better.
What's my point? Just pouring out - this is my blog anyway.
I hate watching my back almost all the time - it tires my soul so much, I hate being afraid that one day I will found out that somebody in my strings just lied about/to me, I hate checking my email handles only to found out, I just received several hate email messages from people I don't even know (most of them are people who likes my beau - yeah, his students and those I am not supposed to mention), I hate figuring out how on earth did they find out what my handles are (you see, I have changed handles several times - more than you could ever imagine, all because I was trying to runaway from such creatures), I hate being watched (I had this stalker in the past and I swear he scared the wits out of me. READ: Paranoid) and I hate secrets (people with secret lives refuse to be helped) - most especially when everybody knows something but me. Oh man! Don't I deserve honesty?
Oh well.
I just miss my old life so much that I cry the very moment I remember yearning for it. Don't get me wrong, my present is wonderful and so colorful but the circumstances I mentioned previously make me want to go back and stay there forever. But life, no matter how difficult it has become, should go on.
Adulthood can be such a hassle at times but I know life can only become better - I will always be that daddy's little girl who always hopes for the better.
What's my point? Just pouring out - this is my blog anyway.
