Tables turned

Woe to you who speak ill of me;
One day you'll be asking for my help and approval -
And then you'll feel sorry,
You ever spoke to me that way.

Doodling

It just dawned on me that I haven't been writing much lately. Oh well, blame it on me being so preoccupied with so many things to do at home, work and other errands. The hang of being in different worlds has become quite a challenge, even in my throat.

And over the past few weeks my body has somewhat gotten used to staying at work during the odd hours and silently, I have found something "glamorous" in it. I guess, its that high when I have delivered well. And such deliverable screams and spells quality.

Its funny that sometime last week, I have been hoping I could stretch 24 hours to say, 25. A local food chain, Goodah screams that. Such cliche - so many things to do yet with so little time. And everyday, I am thankful that I am this busy. That I can retire on a wonderful bed with mixed thoughts in my mind and it does not hurt that I wake up to my husband's face. Bliss!

Tomorrow is just going to be another day.

And some things are bound to be conquered - and I am all up for it. 

He is risen!

Happy Easter!

That Woman

"You can be mad but you cannot be disrespectful"."
That's my Mom talking.

She's a gem in its truest essence.
Makes sure I always made sense.
Or even if I am not,
She never thinks I'll rot.

Greatness is what she requires;
But she said its okay to inquire.
Failure is part of life;
That I shouldn't be afraid of strife.

Her wisdom is unalloyed.
Such values - one cannot be destroyed.
I bathe in her words;
In such battle when I have lost my sword.

Her love cradles;
Even if she carry some bundles.
If not for her, I am not my own woman;
 I knew, I was molded to be a great one.

Lorenzo's Tomorrow

This poem I wrote was inspired by a photo taken by a good friend, Jojit. One can tell, my heart belongs to kids.

Read on.

Of laughter and innocent smile; 
Captured by this shutterbug as they bathe for awhile.

Basking in simple joy and pleasure; 
Watch them bathe in such wondrous allure.

Here they stumble - 
Certain spring and bubbles;

Notice - such unfledged brood; 
They seem to be in a playful mood.

They live in their perfect world;
 Place forgotten by the old.

And then they scream, "Look at me! See us!
 Tomorrow is for us." 

Phoenix Rising

Swat me with all your might;
Pretermit me all you want;
Spade me with all that there is;
I will cry -
But I will rise again and again.

An Apt Reminder

People always think that the most painful thing in life is losing the one you value. The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing too much and forgetting that you are special too.

Dearest

Wrote this piece for myself years ago. And when I get to re-read this, I am always reminded that the greatest friend I will ever have in this lifetime and beyond - is myself, naturally. 

So in those days that actually did not turn out well - I would wear a friendlier stance, for my own sake. I have learned to always choose the brighter side of things rather than to dwell on the mistakes and hurt caused by others and sometimes, by myself.

===

The TV is still on at past 12 midnight, you were just staring blankly – and then you were sobbing. Those bitterly sobbing made me stayed up all night, too. I am sorry that you felt rotten. I wish you never have to go through that familiar misery again but you still did.

I saw how badly wounded you are now and it pains me, too. Those bulging eyes from excessive crying, those loud hiccups and relative chest pains – these things you do not actually deserve. I can see you – all of you.

My dear, I have learned not too long ago – although I still have a hard time accepting it but truth is, there are just some people who seem to be enjoying watching someone else get burned. That there are some who finds satisfaction and happiness when they've caused other people so much pain. No matter how much we both complain about how the circumstances can be unfair but life is never fair, you see. You win some, you lose some but do not ever lose that faith and hope that is still in you.

I have seen all those phases in your life when the world required you to grow old faster than usual, while it was difficult for you – you still faced it head on. There were struggles you never imagined but you faced them not because you deserved them but simply because there's no other way but to move forward.

I wish I could tell you that everything will be alright but I know that you have heard several people promised the same thing to you and yet, you are in this murky place – finding your way back.

By the look in your eyes, you are questioning and doubting. Whether you are tackling the right path, is this the kind of life you're bound to have, must you always have to be surprised by things you should have been told a long time ago, should you always have to pick up yourself every time people caused you so much pain, should you always have to endure and until when.

I know where you are coming from. I know your pain. But I hope you also know that, as it did in the past, all these tests are meant for you to become stronger and a better individual. That at the end of it all, even if people cannot seem to stop themselves from lying and hurting you – you will still come out as a victor. There is no point in trying to reason out or understand why they do things – it'll just worn you out. You are better than this. I know that.

Cry if you must. Feel pain now but please, do not stop there. Learn from this painful experience. Forgive them when you already can but you must forgive yourself first. You cannot give what you do not have. This will not happen overnight, the pain will plague you like a nightmare but do not let that nightmare get the best of you. You are better than that.

I know that despite all those mouthful complains, you have a good heart. It amazes me how you can still manage to keep yourself afloat despite all the craziness. I am glad you have not rebelled just so you could prove your point. You have me, I will always be here no matter what. I am, as I was in the past, your greatest friend. But above all, you have Him. He has always been your Master Shield.

For now, I wish that once the Sun is up, you'd pick up that matte foundation – put it on your face. Put some blush on and a little lip gloss – so that you'll have some color. Get up now. Show the world that you have class. That it will take them forever to bring you down – you are just too good for them. Ha!

Tell yourself over and over that you must have something great in you that they could not stop themselves from tearing you down.

You may not feel this now but the dark clouds will soon move and you will finally the sun. :)

Your other self,

Me

Busy hands

Challenged by our blank and  white walls, I've decided to keep my hands extra busy by doing a DIY wall decor and handmade coasters. :)

DIY# 1 - Picture frame made of paper chains.
Materials used:
Wall art given by a good friend last Christmas. 
Orange cartolina
A pair of scissors
Glue

DIY #2 - Handmade coasters.
Materials used:
6 pages of an old Wedding Magazine
Poster color
Paint brush
A pair of scissors
Glue

So there. :) 

A thought

Time spent whining and ranting would also mean -

time LESS spent looking at the brighter side of things.

Best and Worst Times

Since late 2008, this girl has learned to tackle her issues in silence – even when she is about to burst in frustration, she would still try her darn best to keep herself afloat. She resolved into this “obsession” because that was expected from her – to keep her mouth shut.

More often than not, she would usually hear dear people say that her ranting always connotes to complaining. That sometimes, she felt like no one near wants to listen - only those who are far. Or maybe, they have their own things going on that to pause and take time to listen even for a while is history. Another observation is that – people make assumptions already without even bothering to listen to the whole darn story. Solutions are presented even before she could even ask for those.

A week before Christmas 2009, some little “things” in her body started to act strangely yet again and she had to take medications to “normalize” things and pray for His grace. Most of the time she was so weak, sluggish and did she say, physical pain has been her constant company for 4 weeks straight? The pain will leave her only for awhile and then would hit her back again – driving her to tolerate such pain in ways never known to her. Yet, people closest to her – very, very seldom heard her “rant" about these things. She would hide her pain and tears in the darkness and cloak in work, writing and reading.

She showed everyone that she is courageous. Brave enough to tackle things on her own – without even asking for help, counsel or anything outside her own little world. Her “warrior” stance was (and still is) unshaken in front of people but she would collapse on her knees when she is having her personal time with Him. She did not rebel nor show any signs of rebellion.

Although she would often think of all the worst-case scenarios known to her, she hopes abundantly. Her heart cries to her Maker, knowing that things happen because He allowed things to happen. She has learned to look at the brighter side of things – always.

Living for the moment and looking forward are wonderful reminders of things she needed to do at the time when she’s in complete pain. To let go and give up sound very tempting but she did not give in. She knew that there is no glamor in giving up. There is no dramatic and fabulous ending  in it. And it is just not nice for those who will read her life’s portfolio with notes like “In the end, she gave up the fight.”

This agonizing pain that haunted her for weeks are now saved for history. It was only around the 2nd week of January when experts pronounced that these “strange things” are finally out of her system. This came after she resolved that there is nothing on earth that could ever make these things ever go away if not for His grace.

Through all those moments when she would be wheeled, take series of tests – with all those painful shots, she realized that despite her being this never-the-cowboy-type-of-a-girl stance – she is a warrior, too and can outdo any man when it comes to inner strength.

A woman can be physically weak and bruises easily but she has an inner strength not quite known to a man.

Who says that the worst of times cannot be the best of times, too? Well, this girl begs to differ.

Culture versus Dignity

Written by F Sionil Jose. 

Willie Revillame, the billionaire TV showman, is absolutely correct when he defiantly declared that he did nothing wrong in encouraging Jan-Jan, his six-year-old TV guest, to gyrate suggestively. What are all those bleeding hearts, those professional do-gooders bleating about? In our consumerist society, the market determines how we act and think; Willie cannot therefore be charged with abusing the human rights of a child. He did what is in consonance with Filipino culture; that lewd performance was greeted with wild applause. We cannot argue against success.

And so this dilemma now challenges our institutions of justice, and most of all, our own perceptions and values. It is only right that we must now confront the crass reality of ourselves that we are a shallow people, mababaw ang kaligayahan natin — a mantra I have often repeated.

Listen! In its universal reach, our culture is not only shallow. It is also very earthy, for which reason, Willie cannot be excoriated.

Consider this: in that village where I grew up, there was this farmer who trained his three-year-old son to lie down on his stomach and at the father’s command, Trabajo!, the child started pumping as in the sexual act. The child was happily applauded. I am sure that all over this country, such an exhibition is being repeated in a variety of forms.

Listen to our languages — how sexually loaded they are. The Tagalog expletive putang ina mo (your mother is a whore) is very pejorative and could exact a killing at the most and a lifetime enemy at the least. The Ilokano equivalent, which is even a term of endearment when addressed to friends, okininam (your mother’s vagina), is also sexual but less demeaning. I have heard elderly Ilokano women spice every sentence with yot (fuck). As a boy, the limericks I recited, the folk songs that I sang like Pamulinawen — all their words are obscene.

This is culture at its rawest.

Alas, what Willie and most of us cannot see is that his popular program and so many imitations of it, exploits the very poor as well as our permissive culture; he compels those hapless and disadvantaged Filipinos — the young and the decrepitly old — to give up their dignity to perform as he wants them for the money which he dangles before them.

Willie has to be reminded that he diminishes and demeans the poor; we can even argue that he lures the poor with the promise of easy money and thereby encourages dependency, belief in luck rather than in hard work. His show as it stands should be barred from TV. He should have been fully chastised when so many were killed in the stampede to his show some years back. The market resurrected him. Obviously, popularity and money had swelled his head.

A few months back, at a public forum I enlarged on the Willie ruckus which was first aired by the columnist Conrado de Quiros. I criticized our appreciation of TV personalities who are not talented, who cannot act, sing or give intelligent commentary. I also brought into the discussion quasi-religious leaders amassing wealth while feeding on the gullibility of Filipinos who, in their poverty, search blindly for faith and a better life. I concluded that we must decolonize our minds.

Those who eat three times a day and are compassionate should forgive our outrage at Willie’s insensitivity just as we can forgive him when he says he just wants to help the poor. But does he really? If he does, he’s doing it all wrong.

He should funnel his charity for the poor in a manner that will truly help them without them losing their self-respect. There is that old Chinese adage, give the poor man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him how to fish and you will feed him for life.

Invest in a charity that will do the most good developing skills in self-sufficiency, in education, in health care and a well planned program of feeding the hungry, the street children, because hunger cannot wait.

Always remember, the alleviation of poverty is never a political or economic issue — it is moral.

Our society is afflicted by insatiable consumerism, our institutions are beholden to the demands of the market, and finally, our culture is “damaged.”

These are the daunting realities people of goodwill must face. To undo these, the largest responsibility falls on the owners of media; they must compel their editors to do their job well, pay their workers enough so that they will not be corrupted so easily. And advertisers should take care that their publicity funds do not promote contrary attitudes.

All the owners of these giant networks must probe deep into themselves, at their values and help in building a strong nation and a moral people. Such will then dignify their billions in profit.