Apathetic

Did it ever occur to you that you felt like you just wanted to let things pass? When suddenly you have had enough and the best thing you can do for yourself at the moment is just play apathetic?

I am now wearing that apathetic stance.

Do not get me wrong, I still wear that care hat but there are just certain things that I do not really give a damn anymore. So what if someone close calls this bad news person more than what s/he would actually admit? So what if s/he denies the first time, when asked, that s/he ever made that call? I do not care anymore. I have so many things in my hand and head at the moment and I will not be beaten by people who could not get over the fact that I am my woman – and more.

I know better now.

Choosing my battles does not only make me queen of these circumstances, it also makes life easier to bear however difficult it can be. I have learned to deal with such “tragic blows” without having to open up my soul to anyone available. And I felt triumphant every time.

So, where is this write-up going? Bottom line, I am just too happy to let things pass – I will not be burdened anymore by somebody’s perennial lying, cloaking or whatever “smart” people may want to call it.  That person did what s/he thought was best at the moment – and I am not in control of other people’s behaviour. Too bad lang, I saw those pair of eyes lied to my olive face.

But it is ok, I don’t give a damn anymore.

I super like him

Change-bound

This coming May elections, at 26, I will be a first time voter. No kidding. I used to have this lame excuse of “but I pay my taxes regularly – no miss!” for the sole reason that I do not want to fall in line during registration process. So after years of procrastination, having known better, I am going to vote and do my part.

As a first time voter, I have been religiously “studying” the candidates like a student preparing for a Finals exam – like my scholarship depended on it. I may have a world of my own, hates how bad the traffic is here and would sometimes wish that lightning strikes on corrupt politicians but I love this country so much that I still have so much hope that we will one day rise. That is why, despite so many offers to work abroad – I’d still choose to be here.

I may not be some humongous a personality but I know that in my own little way – I can serve this country. I will start by choosing well.

By this time, I already made a list of who I will vote for but I am suspecting that since the elections is still a month away, this list will still be altered from Congressman to City Councilors. But my President, VP, Senators, City Mayor and V Mayor are already done.

The clamour for such prestige positions is quite tempting what with all the “perks” such positions give but these also require depth, sincerity and a huge, genuine love for this country and its people but having seen and read so many things about this and that candidate – there is really no way for me to know who is really “it”. I have my doubts, at times. This maybe my first time to vote but I was not born yesterday – despite the pretty big bucks that has been deducted from my salary for the past 7 years, I still have no idea where those bucks go. I once posted in my FB account – “where do my taxes REALLY go?”

Through the years, I have learned that a candidate’s intellect, while it matters – is not really big on me. Heck, we have all the intelligent leaders but we only see this country being left behind by our neighbours. Having been named as one of the most corrupt countries in the world, a candidate’s character should also be taken into consideration. Is s/he a perennial liar? How many mistresses does he keep? Is s/he a turncoat person? Did s/he pay his/her taxes faithfully when s/he was still a private citizen? Is s/he an action person or mere blahs? Can s/he be trusted?

The Phippines and its people deserve a leader who will really lead, not solely by position but also by example. She deserves to be loved like anything by her people, as the writer of our National Anthem coined it so well – Ang mamatay ng dahil sa’yo.

While we all desire change, let us start showing love and respect first to our country by doing our part and VOTE WISELY. I trust that from there, we are “change-bound”.

Bagong Sigaw!

I remember

I remember you staring at me
For awhile
When you nonchalantly
Asked me out for lunch.

I remember myself –
Quivered.
And how my heart beats fast,
I know not how to tame such beating.

I remember you calling me,
Late at night,
How you would sing me songs
Over the phone.

I remember myself –
Clinging so hard,
Not to get attached to someone
I did not initially want in my life.

I remember you bringing me,
To a place where I found
That I can take chances again –
When I can love like pain is not familiar to me.

I remember myself smiling
The moment you called me,
Your “Beb”.
When you became my “Hon”.

I remember us –
Fighting a good fight,
Your hands holding mine,
As if telling me, you will not let go.

I remember us –
When we argue like anything,
All those dramatic exchanges and scenes,
Who would’ve thought we could reach this far?

I remember us –
That after a horrible fight,
We managed to pick things up
And remained us – not me and you, but us.

I remember you –
In your cool and pleasant stance,
Telling me, like you always have –
That everything will be alright.

I remember myself –
Though hesitant,
Would still let go of that fear
And just simply trust.

I remember you –
Telling me that
I love you best.
That I am your female version.

I remember myself –
Praying and hoping,
That we always come out strong.
That this heart, will only trust you.

I remember you –
What with your very stubborn love
Made me see myself –
As someone who can be loved no matter how different she can be.

I remember myself –
Finally seeing me in my future.
Not alone but with a companion
She dearly loves – you.



-AKVL, 04/06/10