My B1 and B2

Something happened this morning worthy of a page on my online journal - and this day I am super extra thankful for I have been blessed with such wonderful angels, Jerome and Lucas.

I first met Jerome during my first year in AdMU. We were seatmates, break buddies and we love to park our asses off near the Gesu, SEC area and the college caf. He was and still is the only man I know who still writes handwritten whatever notes to anyone - friends, his crush since 3^rd grade (I am not kidding!), some classmates and his sisters on a regular basis. He listens to my EVERY story with so much gusto and he loves to tell stories too - making me practice how to listen and shut up. I am telling you, he is that boy you’d want to introduce to Dad.

Lucas is the typical boy next door but definitely has the brains for everything. You can talk to him about anything and everything - from economics, math, syndromes, psychology stuff, recession, stocks, movies and his favorite topic, girls in minis. He looks cool and very “yabang” but he has the heart for kids and likes simple things - walking around the campus, trying out “turon”, skateboarding and just blabbing out.

I am most blessed that despite of certain tragedies, I would wake up knowing that they’re out there making a difference in my life in ways beyond me. Currently, both of them are girlfriend-less and I am just happy being their queen.

Easter Eggs

Unexpectedly, I had to spend the Holy Week away from home and with some strangers in an unfamiliar land.

I did not get an extra tan from this recent trip but I gained a new perspective on how I should be living my life. I look at myself and my environment in much better lenses.

And while I was on the plane, I jotted down some hard-earned learning brought by a certain tragedy.

1. Nothing on earth is really bulletproof. That at one point, no matter how strong, healthy, wise and pretty you think you are - something will strike you in ways beyond your imagination.
2. Everyone gets sick and dies.
3. Somewhere, someone is in worse condition than yours.
4. No such thing is really super.
5. The day will come that you need to be alone and away from your comfort zone.
6. You cannot always count on human beings but your faith in Him can satisfy you - even if you have the longest list of why’s.
7. There is a very good reason why we have friends.
8. Growing up does not always come in age.
9. There’s nothing wrong with crying when you’re afraid and when you’re really, really sick.
10. Don’t forget to be thankful for whatever you already have.
11. When you’re getting old, you need to slow down. What’s in a hurry, Superman?
12. Smile like nothing is hurting.
13. It pays to look at the brighter side of things even if almost everything in you refuse to believe that there is such thing as the bright side.
14. It feels good to pray, let Him know your thoughts (as if He does not know already) and rely on Him - even if you’re scared to death.

Here’s to a well-lived life!

Scented Candles

Suddenly, I am at peace
I have stopped wrestling with Him.
I can look straight in your eyes,
For I know I loved you best.

I don't feel fear now.
For I know He is way bigger than any of us.
I can only cling to His promises,
His ways are always for the good.

I have temporarily stopped daydreaming about whites.
Focus on what should be done now.
Today is quite different,
But I know it'll become better.

I have prepared myself for anything worse.
Imagined myself in a murk -
Holding on to dear life
Dark yet I hope.

Neruda's Sonnet XVII

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose topaz
or arrows of carnation that propagate fire.
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom
and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand.
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

Across the Universe

I heard about this movie last year through my friend in the US. She gave me a call around 2 in the morning (MLA time), woke me up just because she was raving about this movie - how she wanted to watch this again and again and again. I figured, this must be one hell of a movie - it did cost her something to just have me listen about how this movie made her love The Beatles more.

So, I googled and read about some people saying that Across the Universe is "The Beatle movie" - because well, they sung The Beatles' songs.

It is definitely the oldest story of all time - boy meets girl, he falls in love with her, they loved each other, paranoia almost killed their fairytale - she left her, he went back to Liverpool and months after, he went back to the US and concluded that LOVE is all you need.

I couldn't agree more when one writer said that this movie is "a musical travelogue of the '60s era, it is a romance, it is an adventure, a war film, a comment on the current war effort, the list goes on." And it did not hurt that Bono (yes, of U2) has a cameo role in this movie, singing his heart out!

Oh, come on. Go watch this movie, you'll love it.

5:25 Plea

Good Lord,

Please don't let me get fuming mad right this very minute.
Please help me hold my tongue so I won't hurt anyone.
Please give me tons and tons and tons and tons of patience.
Please remind me that being nice and loving is not being stupid.

I know you are just and your ways are always for the best.
I may not completely understand the why's and how's but I know in Your sweet time, I will see my fruits.

Thank you for today, I know I am about to learn something new again.

Love,
K.

Woman

A woman does not want to be related to with formula and she certainly does not want to be treated like a project that has answers to it. She does not want to be solved; she wants to be known.
- Stasi Eldridge, Captivating

Lessons from Booker

1. Men may make laws to hinder and fetter the ballot, but men cannot make laws that will bind or retard the growth of manhood.

2. Character, not circumstances, makes the man.

3. I think I have learned that the best way to lift one's self up is to help someone else.

4. There is no power on earth, that can neutralize the influence of a high, pure, simple and useful life.

5. The world cares very little what you or I know, but it does care a great deal about what you or I do.

6. Of all forms of slavery there is none that is so harmful and degrading as that form of slavery which tempts one human being to hate another by reason of his race or color. One man cannot hold another man down in the ditch without remaining down in the ditch with him.

7. Opportunity is like a bald-headed man with only a patch of hair right in front. You have to grab that hair, grasp the opportunity while it's confronting you, else you'll be grasping a slick bald head.

8. I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.

9. I would permit no man, no matter what his color might be, to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.

10. Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him, and to let him know that you trust him.

11. Character is power.

12. Holding a grudge does not hurt the person against whom the grudge is held, it hurts the one who holds it.

13. There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.

Loathing, Loathing

Sun sets early;
Holds on to life so dearly.

Sudden foes come running;
Words they use - all loathing.

Sometimes, she would ask;
To their wickedness, must she always bask?

She searched for a common ground;
Only to realize, it can never be found.

At the end of the day;
She faces this fire without much to say.

The blame is on her;
As always, it is on her.

Not So Amazing Grace

For almost 4 years now, I have been dancing with some irresponsible kids, who seemed to me, knew only how to destroy and make other people's lives quite miserable.

It all started with a seemingly innocent invite to Friendster, which later on I found out that this Angel is an "enemy" in disguise. While I did my best to shun her away and focus on my relationship, she was persistent in making me insane - unfortunately, I somewhat succumbed and broke down.

After nailing her down, several unknown enemies just sprung from nowhere - sending me harsh messages via email and mobile and even called me several times. It even reached to a point where my name was posted in an old MIT thread, destroying my name.

For a while, I lay low from Internet usage - canceled my first ever Friendster account, changed my email address and mobile numbers several times. I am telling you, it was hellish.

It took me quite sometime to finally get over these "bored ones" and their cruel intentions but I have moved on and silently, became a better person - thanks to my friends who would constantly pull me back to sanity when the hymns of loony would get hold of me and of course, to my man - who despite of himself, would embrace me back to his arms when I am moving away from his crowd, from him.

The nudging from these bored ones never really stopped but I have learned to deal with them by completely ignoring them.

Yesterday, I received 2 missed calls from unknown numbers (landline and mobile). Out of curiosity, I called the landline number just to find out who called me - the girl who answered the phone (and her lack of phone ethics) insisted that nobody called me using that effing landline. Something is up, I thought. My instinct was telling me something is effing up. I called the mobile number and the same girl with no phone ethics answered it. I asked who she was and explained to her the reason why am calling. What intrigued me the most was when I said my name, she dropped my call - just like that. See, I told you - she knew nothing about phone ethics!

How she got my number is still a mystery to me. In fact, it never fails to amaze me how good these "kids" are when it comes to getting into my nerves. I am not losing sleep figuring out how damn these people are. All I know is that, I must have something really worth destroying.

Really, there's no remedy for such a disease called envy. And please, do yourself a favor - get a life!